Although we were both free like birds in the sky, Floyd, the man I was in love with, wanted to keep our relationship a secret. At first, it didn't bother me, but then it started to I started to find the situation humiliating me that he didn't want to show up with me, I felt like a second-hand woman ... My luck was that fate separated us for a while.
Many people are doing great in giving advice. Inflate so in feathers, when they put themselves in other shoes and explains how and what is better to do or not to do. In fact, it is inaccurate to say "in other's shoes", because people do not have this ability -no matter how much they claim to have this ability. They are selfish, that's the truth, and they are telling you: " Me if I were you, I'd do it in this or that way... “. Let me give you, better, an example.
It was hard for me to confess my secret to Carmen. We are office colleagues and we have become friends over time, let's say almost good friends. My little secret pressed me too hard not to tell her:
"Stop telling me to look for someone because you know absolutely nothing about my life!"
"I know you're alone and it's a shame. You have so many qualities... she was trying to encourage me."
"That's right! That's what you know, but that's not all!
"What do you want to say?"
"I mean, I'm involved in a relationship!"
"Wow! Congratulations, then, Phillipa! And who is the happy one?"
"I was sure this was the question behind - harmful. Oh, my boyfriend ... Who was it?!" I put my fear aside and I continued my confession:
"Well, it's ..."
"Who? You make me curious, Philippa! And who’s the lucky man?"
"It's right under your nose ..."
"Wait ... Under my nose is the unbearable Floyd. His nose sits nonstop in the computer... This could not ever have a woman!"
"Would you be very disappointed to find out that he is the one?"
Shock and horror! Carmen had just become the owner of my ultimate secret. I had a relationship with Floyd for a year, and she hadn't smelled anything.
Where were his instincts? Had they fallen asleep? He didn't say another word for a few seconds. We were both at work and chatting about these things. We had no problem finding someone talking to us, because, being in the IT department, we had total control over these discussions.
I tried to change the subject though:
"Are you going out for coffee?" I asked her.
"Yes! Are you even asking?!"
We took our cigarettes and wiped them out. We were signalling him to refrain from commenting and discuss the issue only when we left the building. I didn't even get well, because my friend broke out:
"How did you manage to keep the connection hidden? And why him? Why Floyd?"
"I managed very easily ... I think he trained me well ..."
"Did he train you?!"
"Just like you heard!"
"Tell me, please!"
"Ok, I will tell you briefly: we are together for almost a year. But between us is ..."
"It's just sex, Carmen!"
"Phillipa, can this be a solution too ... Or?"
"I don't know, I have no idea." It is certain that I am fine and not very" ... I was trying to explain to Carmen, who was becoming more and more confused.
"Say the bad part ... Why aren't you okay?"
"Because I want more!"
"You mean you don't have enough?"
At that moment, I felt my eyes full of tears and I start to cry. So loud I couldn't control myself. How can I tell you? By nature, I am a very strong woman at first, trying to hide my emotions and not to make others share in my real feelings.
I don't get too excited if I'm happy, I don't cry if I'm upset about something. And I am reserved with my friends, I choose them very carefully. That is why they are very few in number. I'm talking with Carmen, who I've already told you about, and if I thinking about it, that's all.
As far as we know each other, Carmen was whiny, always tells me about her boyfriend who ignores increasingly often. She tells me she's with him because she loves him, but she feels he's not the same as she was in the beginning.
Anyway! Let's get back to me. I cried as if I wanted to avenge all the petrified tears until then. At the risk of showing my weakness to her, I was fine - a kind of river of light flowed through me. Like I was going through an exorcism ... In short, I was freeing myself.
"Forgive me for the weakness shown!" I told Carmen, wiping away my tears.
"Phillipa, we are people, not robots! You can tell me what's bothering you ..."
"Look, we're together, but Floyd just wants sex. He keeps telling me that we perfectly match each other in bed, but he doesn't want more. And I want more! I want us to move together, to show off, to assume our relationship, as it is ..."
"Is he taking you as a replacement, like a doll, suitable only for his desire and that it?" concluded Carmen.
"Not even! Because there is no other woman in his life!"
"And then he doesn't hold me or let me go.!"
"Hi is an ordinary pig!"
"Not! Don't call him like that! As long as I accept, you can judge me, not him!"
"I, in your place, would leave him ..."
To my great surprise, after I left, Floyd started looking for me more and more insistently.
This “I, in your place ... made me laugh. Carmen was not the best person to give me this advice. And she was a pawn in a relationship that didn't satisfy her in every way. Even her situation was sadder, because, from what she had told me, her boyfriend didn't visit her much in bed. I was fine, then! After removing this venom that was gnawing at me inside, I wanted to ask her something more:
"I think we should leave ... I'm afraid we're going to be suspicious... I have only one request: don't talk to anyone about this!"
"Your wish is a command for me ... still can’t believe… you with Floyd?! You wouldn't have said, at first glance, it looks like a mouse, but here's the stallion lying in it", she wanted to end the conversation.
We went back to the office with a smile on our faces. Carmen had the power to disguise and keep a secret. Besides, at the office, she didn't even have much to talk to, we were the only girls. There were others, but in a different department, located one floor below.
As I sat down on the chair, Floyd approached me. He sent me a message, he does not accept to stay on the net at work, being very reluctant from this point of view, in SMS being written:
"Tonight I pay you a visit"
Could I refuse him? Not! I was waiting for him, as usual, with all my love, and he offered me what he always offers me ... Sex! But the next day, when I got to work, I received news that totally surprised me:
"Phillipa, you are the best one to leave and to go to upgrade your skills in ... Dubai. Yes in Dubai, Phillipa. You are looking surprised and I guess that is a very good surprise for you and an excellent opportunity !"
"But why not Carmen? She's good too ... And besides, a change would suit her."
"There would have been another option, Floyd ... But I chose you because we have plans for you, my boss told me after he called me to his office."
He wanted to send me to a specialization course, for two months outside the country in beautiful Dubai. How would Floyd react when he will find out? Does it still matter?! For the first time in my life, I text him on facebook chat:
"I'm leaving the country next week!"
Did not answer. I was looking at him over the computer. No reaction. I sit back and text me: “For how long?”. "Is important?!, I wrote to him. Again, no sign.
To my surprise, after I left the country, Floyd began to look increasingly insistent. It didn't happen at first but after about seven or eight days.
Apparently, he no longer had access to me, he no longer had me under any circumstances: neither under his eyes, at work, nor in ... bed. From a distance, things look better. From a distance, he probably realized, to some extent, what he wanted.
After finishing the course, I returned to the country. He proposed to me to move together. I chose to boil his patient a little bit, that's how I felt. And let me give him a chance, not him to me.
I gave it to him, and the day he brought his things to me was the day he said to me, for the first time in his life, “I love you!”. the distance has brought us closer!