Now, looking back, I realize that, without realizing it, I was playing with fire. In the sense that, although I loved Benson, and I love him very much, Gabriel had slipped under my skin, and in time I came to care about him. How else can it be explained that in the morning when he did not appear at the entrance to the park, for the usual morning run, I was worried?!
It had been more than two months since we had met, but strangely, we hadn't exchanged phone numbers. What would we have done when we had set the time and place for the meeting for the next day? That being the case, when my companion did not show up, I spontaneously decided to visit him to find out about his condition. And, to my own astonishment, I found that I was nervous, the distance to his house seems to be much longer than when I had accompanied him home, after his ugly fall.
"Hi, Cassie! And please forgive me for not coming to the run today, but I have a very serious explanation: my phone battery ran out and therefore the alarm didn't go off! he rushed from the doorway, carrying only a towel wrapped around his waist. I just woke up a while ago, as you can see, I just took a shower! Come on, don't stay in the doorway, enter the house and try to ignore my outfit!"
"Hi, Gabriel! I muttered, shocked because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't take my eyes off the handsome man with the athletic body. I came because you didn't show up and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Please don't laugh at me, but I was worried!"
I entered the room, but, surprisingly, Gabriel stood in my way. I did not stop but continued to walk timidly towards him until I reached his strong, still wet arms. We looked at each other intensely, in silence, for a few moments, after which our lips touched. First, tender, shy, quiet. Then they intertwined in a desperate, lascivious kiss. From here to making love was just a step, a step I took with a nonchalance and an unconsciousness that I would not have thought I could.
"God! I can't believe I made sex with you, Gabriel! I whispered at the end, as I sat with my head on one of its stony pectorals. In three weeks, I'll get married. It's not right what I did to Benson! I love him, he loves me, and yet I had sex with you. I never cheated on anyone, believe me! I don't know what I wanted to do, but when I saw you almost naked in front of me, I completely lost control! Actually, I couldn't stop myself! Instinct was stronger than reason!"
"Don't worry, Cassie, you don't have to justify yourself! We are two mature people who have lived a magical erotic experience!" Gabriel tried to help me get rid of the guilt that had taken over me once we were both done and the sex was done. We didn't intend to do it, but it was simply written that way, so stop blaming yourself! Your fiancé will never find out about this adventure, so you will be able to embark on the path of life together as if nothing had happened.
"Okay, but how can I look him in the eye?" I wondered rhetorically before letting the first tear fall. What if he feels like I betrayed him?
"I trust you! Gabriel encouraged me as he played tenderly with his fingers on the lines of my beautiful body. Then, on the spot, you will find resources to hide the truth and not give up."
"I hope it is as you say, but I have great doubts about it! I contradicted him, remembering an unfortunate experience from the past."
"You know, when I was in high school, I copied at a math exam and my qualms of conscience was so big that I refused to give the papers. I took grade two and endured the consequences. I am very afraid that I will not be able to lie to my fiancé ..."
To my surprise, I don't know how either, but I managed to do it. Although full of remorse and although in the period that followed, I had a lot of qualms of conscience, I hid my feelings, so that Benson did not feel anything.
But since I wasn't so crazy that for a few moments of pleasure I made fun of my beloved man and my life, I decided not to go to the park where I was jogging with Gabriel, starting the next day. I started walking my dog in the square a few blocks away, and so I never met him again.
He probably thought of me, as I sometimes thought of him, but I couldn't risk continuing the adventure. I was left with that unique, wonderful memory, and I thanked Heaven that I managed to behave naturally with Benson and his parents in the next period, without giving reasons for suspicion. I then focused on the final preparations for the wedding - which was going to be a dream - and so I got Gabriel out of my mind. I had no way of knowing that in a short time I would think of him day and night, but, unfortunately, that was exactly what I was going to do. Explication? Amazing: just one month after my marriage, I found out I was pregnant!
"I am so happy! You don't even know how much I want to be a father! my husband rejoiced when I told him we were going to have a baby. I love you with all my heart, Cassie! "I'm happy, too, Benson!" I lied shamelessly. I love you!
Why wasn't I happy, but I had to lie? Because, if the doctors' words were correct, and the date when I had to give birth was about seven months old, then, in my opinion, the baby could have been conceived with either of the two men I made love to. As my husband and I have blood type A, the baby will need to have the same group as us. But if he had another blood type, then it would be obvious that he was not conceived with Bogdan, but with someone else. Which, to me, would be a real tragedy.
I arrive now with my story at the present time, a present which, if I hadn't had that moment of wandering, would have been superb; I really would have been at the height of my happiness. However, sitting in uncertainty and being crushed by dark thoughts, I do not feel at peace and light-hearted.
It's two months before I give birth, and until then I try to pretend to be radiant in front of my husband and in-laws, but the truth is that I'm scared. I look forward to finding out if I conceived the child with my husband or lover. God, please forgive me for being a sinful woman and don't punish me!