"Know that boys are afraid of responsibility! They are afraid of complications, they run away from them as much as they can."
"Then what should I do?"
"Either you meet a great love, a guy who loves you, or you hide the fact that you are a virgin. And I think the second option is the most realistic, because, if you dream of green horses on the walls, you will become, from a virgin girl, a spinster..."
I came to the conclusion that I need to get rid of this disability as soon as possible, so that I can get in line with the rest of the teenagers.
For this task, I chose high school macho, a guy who changes his girlfriends like stockings. I was very honest with him, I approached him and asked him directly:
"Do you want a virgin?"
The guy scratched his ear and pinched my cheek, a gesture that was friendly:
"And who would that be, you?" Get out of here, because I'm not messing with a virgin, definitely not..."
Then, I admit, I was ashamed of my gesture.
"Okay, forget what I proposed to you," I said quickly and turned my back on him.
But from that moment on, I became even more obsessed with the thought of my oppressive virginity. I was studying my colleagues who I knew had started their sex lives. They seemed more women, more fulfilled, more confident. It was as if I was sneaking around the world, sneaking around like a thief, and suffering terribly because of it. I was in such a state when I met Mario, a history student, a bohemian guy with his head in the clouds. I was just as bohemian, because I only wanted to meet him instead of learning for baccalaureate and admission. But how can I be concerned with such banalities, when he told me that I have a candour that many girls no longer have on these days? I thought he was the ideal candidate for my defloration. He was not naughty in gestures, in words, or rather, he was not daring. We had been dating for about three months and he had barely kissed me. One evening, when my family was leaving the country for the weekend, I invited him to me.
"You have a nice room," Mario told me, after which he remained silent, though I sat down on the bed in a discreet but suggestive gesture.
"Don't you want to sit next to me?" I asked him and held out my hand. And you don't want to drink anything?
"Can you give me some wine, please?"
I brought him the wine he wanted, hoping it would relax. But I realized he was using various pretexts to keep him from approaching me. He wanted to go to the bathroom, he looked at the books in the library... At one point, I hugged him, pulling him to the bed.
"I want you to love me!" I whispered.
He hesitated at first, but had to let himself be carried away by the wave, for I had begun to unbutton his polo shirt, kissing his neck. The atmosphere warmed up, I took courage and hope, while my skirt slid down...
I hope you're not a virgin, she didn't ask me, she whispered.
I was about to tell him the truth, but then I quickly nodded. He breathed a sigh of relief as he continued to caress and kiss me. I was trembling with emotion, I was scared, but was not turning away. But I couldn't fool him. Mario stopped abruptly and woke up as if from a trance, he exclaimed angrily:
"Rihanna, what do you want to do to me? To trap me? To say afterwards that I raped you? Why did you lie to me? I thought you were sincere, pure in heart... I didn't expect that."
"Mario, I didn't mean to lie to you, I just wanted to make love with you! I was afraid that if you found out the truth, you would lose your courage, which is what happened... You should be glad that I am a virgin, that no other boy has made love with me, but I see that you run away from me as if I were plagued."
You were wrong, Rihanna! You didn't get to know me at all! I would have appreciated your sincerity, I would have respected you and, maybe, we would have found a beautiful, true moment in which to make you a woman. I saw you more beautiful than you really are... You ruined everything, I'm sorry!"
So, I found myself alone again and... a virgin. But I hoped that once I got a student and lived on campus, it would be impossible not to get rid of my problem. I didn't miss any party, no opportunity. In vain! Sooner or later, my potential lovers realized that I was a virgin and, fearing complications or - even worse a hidden disease that I would have suffered from - they were flying away from me. How many did not ask me if I did not have hepatitis C!
I finished college, I got a job at a bank in my hometown. I would say that, from a professional point of view, I solved my problems. But what good is it if I'm still single, still a virgin? All I can do is hope that one day I will meet the great love or I will play like an escort for one night and I will pick up a handsome guy...
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