The truth is, no one has intuited my way of being better than he has. Most of the time, he managed to guess my thoughts and desires. For almost four years, I was more pampered than ever: we understood each other without words and he knew exactly what to do and what I wanted every moment. Even after I moved in with him, things didn't change much. He treated me like a queen: he did almost everything in the house, and I was always his pampering.
Two years ago, Paul was offered a specialization internship in the United States. We hadn't been apart for a single night, and the thought of not seeing him for at least six months scared me terribly. He realized immediately.
"You can come with me if you want. We can get married first and leave together. Or I can give up."
Even I, who am the pinnacle of selfishness, realized that I could not ask for such a sacrifice.
"I think it would be best to get married and then see what we shell we do."
Paul wanted something as simple as possible, and I respected his wish, even though my parents and I had dreamed of a fairy-tale wedding. I then went to America, but I was always alone there. And this was only the beginning. Paul was very busy all day. He would give me money to go to the shops, but I hated wandering around alone, so I spent more time in the house, watching TV. He apologized every night and tried to explain to me that he was doing everything for our future, that he wanted to raise some money so that we could have a decent house.
The truth is, after six months of working from morning till night, we were able to buy a house in a residential neighbourhood when we returned to the country and after selling Paul's attic. It is true that he had put money aside before and that my parents had also helped us. It was certain that I had an enviable home.
After we moved into the new house, Paul had a short vacation, which only the two of us spent, and then he started working at the same crazy tempo again. I didn't see him until late at night, and if I didn't fall asleep before he got home, he would always tell me he worked for us, but our lives weren't the same as before. I had come to be like all the other wives, to take care of the house, to supervise the woman who came weekly to help me with the housework, to go shopping ... It is true that he had bought me a car, not to have to carry the shopping, but I was getting uglier and I felt more and more lonely.
So that I wouldn't get bored, he surprised me and invited my parents and me to spend Christmas together. A few of our friends also announced, and eventually, we woke up with a lot of people in the house. The days before Christmas were a real nightmare for me.
I was not used to such preparations, because until then, either my mother, Paul or the housekeeper did them. And when you think that I was looking forward to the holidays, to go somewhere, just the two of us!
Christmas was, after all, nothing more than New Year's Eve, when almost all our friends were invited to us because we just had to inaugurate the house. It was a nightmare for me, and Paul barely had time to put his presents for me under the tree on Christmas and New Year presents under the tree. I would have been happier if he had reserved some free time for me ...
Shortly after the holidays, I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was horrified. How would I cope with a child without any help? I who, until recently, had been treated like a child? When I gave the news to Paul, he was overjoyed.
"I promise I'll try to change my program, although now we will need even more money, imagine how much a child needs. We'll handle it, you'll see! We can call my mother and your mother, in turn, to help you. You will see that it will be better for you too, you will no longer feel alone. God, I'm going to be a father!"
When I was pregnant, it was as it was before: he came home a little earlier, he was always afraid of something happening to me, because I had a rather difficult pregnancy. After giving birth to Clement - or the little pumpkin, as we all caress him - in early October, Paul resumed his gruelling schedule.
It's true that they helped me, in turn, sometimes my mother, sometimes my mother-in-law, but I wanted Paul. I wanted my husband to be by my side, and he was getting busier. Immediately after the birth, I had a kind of depression. They were all scared, and the doctor warned Paul that I needed his help. Last year's holidays were a real joy after all. Paul took a vacation and stayed home with me and Clement.
On Christmas day, only the grandparents came to dinner, and on New Year's Eve we left our little pumpkin with my family and we both went to the mountains. We were alone for the first time, after so long, so we almost felt awkward.
"What happened to us, Paul?" You do not love me anymore? Until we got married, you didn't know what to do with me, how to pamper me, and now we barely have time to change a word. Does that mean being a wife?
"My dear, I love you as much as before, but now we are human in nature, we have a child. I don't have to explain to you, I think, that after a certain age, people have to start taking themselves more seriously and take responsibility for tomorrow. Everything I do is for our future and that of our child. Life is hard and unfair, and I want my wife and my child to live in prosperity and abundance. So, I chose to sacrifice myself for your sake…
It would be time for you to take things a little more seriously. From now on, we have to take care of Clement. We can no longer afford to be pampered by the family as if we were children. I know it's painful, but we're approaching 30 years old. We are no longer children.
His words affected me more than they should have. Listening to him, I realized that I would never enjoy his care and attention again, as I had been accustomed to until recently. I knew our little pumpkin was in the forefront now.
He is my son and I love him with all my heart, only my childish soul finds it difficult to reconcile with the new status, that of a wife.
Now the holidays are approaching again. Paul will be abroad by the evening of December 22, and I must make all the preparations myself. We have guests again for dinner, both on the eve of Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day. We hoped to be alone at least on New Year's Eve, but our friends were invited again.
We have a huge Christmas tree in the yard of the house and we all want to drink our champagne, at the turn of the year, around it.
I know that I should consider myself a happy woman: I have a husband who loves me and works day and night so that nothing is missing, neither for me nor for the child, only that, many times, I remember nostalgically the evenings spent in the attic. with Paul, how careful and loving he was then.
I miss Paul since then and the care he overwhelmed me with. This does not mean that I do not make my shopping list from now on, that I do not think about what gifts to put under the Christmas tree and what dishes to prepare this year.
Yes, I also learned to cook, although my poor mother would not even let me boil an egg. You won't even believe how skilled I am now. Even my mother-in-law licks her fingers when she eats with us.
Holidays are beautiful, it's true, but they are much more beautiful when you are a child and you have everything ready. Do not think that I have not become a responsible being. I know that now the most important thing is my baby, but that doesn't stop me from regretting the time when I was a big kid and everyone around me pampered me. At least for the holidays, I wish I wasn't a wife anymore…