My biggest dream, this moment, is to find my half... Well, this is where the incompatibility comes in: women don't like fat men!
For several years, since I gained too much weight, I have been living a real drama. The women bypass me like a plague, although I would not be said to be easy to avoid, for I have reached the circumference of a large barrel. You don't have to make a simple sidestep to get around me. I make fun of trouble too.
I became obese. At a height of 5 feet 7 inches, I weigh 342 pounds. Because of this, I can no longer have a girlfriend, a mistress, and marriage, which gives meaning to life and which I long for, remains, for the time being, an impossible dream.
Ladies ignore me or, worse, look at me in disgust or treat me in a grumpy, offensive way, often making me suffer. I'm like a cripple.
I can't lose weight at all after I have "stabilized" at the mentioned weight.
I can't refrain from eating, I'm a greedy, glutton, food is for me about what drugs for addicts are.
I read, at one point, that a woman from U.A.E., who weighed two hundred and seventy kilograms, lost over a hundred kilograms in four months, after the doctors from Valiant hospital, in Dubai, reduced her stomach. Out of her mind !!
I would not risk such an operation. Someone should whet my appetite, this insatiable appetite.
Others who want to lose weight do gymnastics, massage, eat healthy soups and teas, resort to the sauna and all kinds of pills ...
And me? All I can think about is pizza, skewers, schnitzels, chilli and parmesan pickles, salmon with noodles, foie gras, sausages with beans, chicken tortilla, cookies, ice cream, goffer with a sauce of chocolate, biscuits with lemon cream...
I don't refrain from wines either, and the wines make me fat. Everything that is good makes you fat, that's the reality.
While some enjoy women, I enjoy these goodies that make the man a formless and hideous shape. I wish I could play different sports, but because of the fat, I can barely move.
I would like to dress "cool", but the clothes do nothing or almost nothing to improve my appearance, plus they have to be made to order.
A friend asks me:
"Ralf, can't you really refrain from eating?"
I sigh and answer:
"No, I can't ... Now, for example, my thoughts fly to the Turkish cabbage rolls ... Or something else ..."
Even when I write these lines, it leaves my mouth watering, because I remembered the little things, the little things I like the most.
There are some fasting cabbage rolls, but they make you fat also. It is prepared with rice, onions, carrots, parsnips, sauerkraut, celery, parsley, broth, oil, salt, ground mint ... After I eat them, I lick my fingers, then then, in a day or two, when I get on the scales, I feel like slapping myself.
At the end of spring, I had managed to lose weight a little bit, but this weight loss of course did not last long, because I discovered the packets of breadcrumbs, made with fillets, breadcrumbs, flour, eggs, spinach, mustard, garlic, cream, spreadable bread, salt, pepper, oil.
Did I say spreadable bread? Spreadable? What the hell is this word? A fake word, but that's how it's written in the recipe.
For a while, I tried to eat only pumpkin stuffed with cabbage. According to the recipe, in addition to cabbage, they contain only thyme, raw tomatoes, broth, onions, oil and salt. You don't lose weight with these either, on the contrary!
I dream of food, I cook it, I eat it, then I suffer. And if my mind runs away only from gastronomy, from goodies, in the conditions in which I am prone to gain weight, I still covet women in vain.
Well, how can they not despise me or how can they not laugh at me, if I look the way I look? Women are meant for normal men, not ogres.
In my desire to lose weight (unsupported by any effort), I tried a new diet, a find in the food press - because there is such a thing, gastronomy magazines, which I devour as food. This diet is called "flexible vegetarianism" or "flexitarians" and it's stupid, by my honour, because it recommends Caesar salad without chicken, pizza without ham, spaghetti Bolognese without meat ...
It's like drinking Bloody Mary without vodka or playing backgammon without dice.
Good food and women are incompatible pleasures when you are greedy and gain weight abnormally fast; when you get fat even when you watch a culinary art show on TV. Yes, you get fat just looking at the food; if you start to eat, it's a real catastrophe.
But when it comes to women, not much happens if you just look. Erotic movies are not able to solve the masculine problem honourably and completely. I want women in the flesh.
The tragedy is that they don't want me. So, I lead an incomplete life, a subsistence. God had better make me so that I didn't like Eve's descendants. But I adore them, I divinize them ... in my view, a woman is a sublime, delicious entity, like a kiwi cake or like a rosemary bread.